I have been having a tough time the last few days.
For the past week, the tumor has continued to grow at a crazy pace. I maxed out my painkillers, but I was never actually pain free. That ate up my physical and emotional reserves.
Late Sunday morning, I crashed. I didn't even get out of bed to hug our dear friends goodbye.
We know how we feel about each other, and one missed hug won't change any of that. Thank God. Plus the entire weekend felt like a long sweet gentle goodbye.
I also cancelled two visits. I am not at the point where I want you to drop in for a visit so you can watch me sleep or or listen to me snivel :-)
Judy and Jenny (my hospice nurse and my social worker) came a day early because Lou asked them to.
I could not even get out of bed for them.
When they arrived, I was ready to barf from the pressure on my stomach.
Luckily, I had just showered and put on fresh clean PJs, so all I had to do was lie there and let Judy take vitals and ask questions.
Then I got new instructions. I am now taking the painkiller more often, and soon I will have a stronger dose.
Now, nap time.
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