Last year was our first Halloween in this house. We got 60 trick-or-treaters. It was an awesome night. The minivans would pull up, the doors would be flung open, and a bunch of kids would come tumbling out onto our lawn in their costumes. They bravely did the entire three-house cul-de-sac on foot and then climbed back into the minivans to zoom off into the night. Tonight we got 51 kids, and it was just as awesome as last year.
I wanted to hand out candy to the trick-or-treaters without a hat or a wig or a scarf -- just BALD. I had hoped that it wouldn't be too scary for the little ones. After all, lots of grownups wear costumes to hand out candy. (Lou wore his usual getup: black cowboy hat and Star Wars light saber.)
But a little tiny guy dressed like a pirate took one look at me and ran screaming from the porch, all the way across the lawn, back to Mommy. He did not want to take the candy from the scary bald lady.
So I put on a hat.
I got Super Chemo nine days ago, and I still feel lousy. This was my 6th cycle. They warned me that with every cycle, the side effects would be worse. I know it's not that bad compared to some of the stories I've heard, but I still have the exhaustion, aches, pains, dizziness, hot flashes, shaking hands, twitching eyes, numb feet, dry mouth, ringing ears, and I keep running out of steam and falling asleep. By today, I expected to be feeling a lot better. I hate complaining like this. But I was thinking, you cannot "cheer me on" if I do not tell you that I need it.
On Monday, Lou and I will meet with the doctor to hear the results of the scan and decide what to do next. I am not worried about the results of the scan; I expect more shrinkage. But I have to tell you, the idea that the doctor might suggest two more cycles of chemo just fills me with dread. Lou is great -- every time I say something about whether I can handle two more cycles of chemo, he tells me to just wait for Monday.