Wednesday, August 15, 2012

20th wedding anniversary

Today is our 20th wedding anniversary.  Karen and I have a wonderful life together.  Given the circumstances, I would love to be able to jump into a time machine and go back to that apartment in Kirkland, WA when we started out our life in 1992.  What a great life we had even though we had no money.  We just didn’t realize how wonderful it was.

We are celebrating our anniversary with Karen still in a hospital bed, on oxygen, etc.  She has very few moments of comprehension.  Most of the time she speaks in gibberish.  It is difficult to determine what she needs and/or wants.  She frequently moans, gasps, or grunts.  What a way to spend a 20th wedding anniversary.

I am holding it together because I have to.  Yes I continue to eat right, exercise, and not abuse substances.  Sleep on the other hand is very difficult.  I go to bed around 8 pm and craw out of bed around 6 am.  That may seem like a lot of sleep, but the reality is I get up every couple of hours to give Karen liquid morpheme.  At various times throughout the day and night I need to give Karen morpheme pills and anxiety medication.  In addition frequent checks on Karen to see if she needs water or other forms of comforting.  So in actuality I’m getting 5 to 6 hours of shallow interrupted sleep.  I’ll take what I can get.  It is difficult to get deep sleep when I am hearing moans, gasps, and grunts from my beloved wife.  It is even harder to shut off the mind when you are waiting for the last breath.

I try to work as much as I can to help distract my mind.  But it is difficult not to think about the end that is coming.

Happy 20th wedding anniversary to us.

Lou Ross


keith calandra said...

karen's hand in my wife's salvation may yet lead to mine. i'm done talking.

Anonymous said...

Lou, everyone is praying for you and Karen. You are amazing people. Hang in there my friend.... you are showing the world what loving without bounds is all about.

Anonymous said...

20 years of marriage is a big milestone. So sad that this day is filled with the reality of Karens condition. It is so hard to express adequately the feelings I have but know I picture you Lou and Karen and her folks wrapped lovingly in Gods arms.
Kathy across the miles from Kirkland.