Saturday, September 15, 2012

One Month Ago...

One month ago today the world I lived in was destroyed.  On August 15, 2012 at 11:15 pm ET the love of my life for 20+ years was taken from me.  Even though the battle lasted nearly 6 years, there is no way to describe the feeling when you love passes on.  No other loss that I have experienced - even the loss of my mother from cancer – can match the emptiness I feel every day.  There is no way one can describe the physical and emotional pain at the loss of such a wonderful and loving wife. 

Today I love and am frightened by our home.  The home we have is beautiful and in a wonderful neighborhood.  But it is the house we created.  Now half of that we is gone.  I dread coming home after an evening out with friends because there is nothing but silence to greet me.  I search and call out for my better half but know one responds.  This is the home we created and I do love it and can’t imagine ever moving.  But where is my better half.

I find myself trying to move forward because that is what Karen and I promised for each other.  But damn it to hell it is so painful.  I know that down the road I will need to consider the idea of dating.  For now, that is long long time away.  I can’t imagine dating as I feel that would violate my vows.  But I know eventually I will have to because that is what I must do and it is what Karen wants for me.  For now, it seems like infidelity.

One Month Ago….



Mary Mcenteer said...

Dear Lou,

I was both sad and happy to see this post. Sad because of the sheer grief you are experiencing, but happy because you are choosing to share your pain with us. I pray that you will receive some ease of pain, or even comfort in doing so.

As I mentioned when we met, my husband and I have been together for 27 years as well, and I cannot even imagine the loss. Hang in there and know I am sending prayers your way.

Mary McEnteer

Anonymous said...

As Karen has said..."this too will pass...." and one day you will find yourself smiling more easily and truly living again....and until that time comes we pray for your strength to endure...fondly Mrs. S.

Barbara Buffing said...


Thank you for sharing your pain with us, it is not easy going through this kind of pain. Trust the process and keep sharing.


Anonymous said...

Grieve first.

You will know when it is time to
move on.

It is different for everyone, so
don't be too hard on hasn't been very long ago really.

Thinking of you and remembering

Kathy from Kirkland

Thandi said...

I guess I understand why some people choose to move. Hoping soon the happy memories give you peace.