One month ago today the world I lived in was destroyed. On August 15, 2012 at 11:15 pm ET the love of my life for 20+ years was taken from me. Even though the battle lasted nearly 6 years, there is no way to describe the feeling when you love passes on. No other loss that I have experienced - even the loss of my mother from cancer – can match the emptiness I feel every day. There is no way one can describe the physical and emotional pain at the loss of such a wonderful and loving wife.
Today I love and am frightened by our home. The home we have is beautiful and in a wonderful neighborhood. But it is the house we created. Now half of that we is gone. I dread coming home after an evening out with friends because there is nothing but silence to greet me. I search and call out for my better half but know one responds. This is the home we created and I do love it and can’t imagine ever moving. But where is my better half.
I find myself trying to move forward because that is what Karen and I promised for each other. But damn it to hell it is so painful. I know that down the road I will need to consider the idea of dating. For now, that is long long time away. I can’t imagine dating as I feel that would violate my vows. But I know eventually I will have to because that is what I must do and it is what Karen wants for me. For now, it seems like infidelity.
One Month Ago….